Ariana's Recount emailed to Mrs. Raman

Ariana,
Thank you for emailing your recount about the class-trip on Friday night. It was interesting to read and you wrote in good sequence.
You have not proofread and edited this recount, but I will help you this time. Next time use a dictionary to help with the spelling of words. Also think about your punctuation (full-stops and capitals). Lastly ask yourself 'does this make sense?"
Use http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page or ask your parents to download this online dictionary:
http://try.alot.com/tb/dictionary/dictionary_magnify_en_gb.php?aff_id=googUK&camp_id=735
I will chat online to you sometime this weekend.

Here is your edited Recount:
Recount: Class-Trip
On Friday 19th June Room 8 walked to Sir Edmund Hillary Library and to the Art Gallery. Before we left, our teacher Mrs. Raman, gave every one a name-tag just incase we got lost. Mrs. Raman chose two kids to take photos. The kids were Shar and I. On our way there Shar and I were talking to Mrs Raman.

When we got to the library, a librarian talked to us about the rules for the library. There was another librarian and her name was Sarah too. We got to read some books there. Later the children who brought their library application forms got their new library cards. There were about ten kids who got one. Most of those children borrowed the PlayAways which is like an MP3 storybook.

After that we had our lunch. While we were having our lunch Mrs. Raman walked around and gave every one 2 cookies each. After lunch we walked all the way to the Art Gallery. The art-exhibition was about Matariki and Trash n2 Fashion. When we got there we all sat down on the floor while Emma talked about the rules. There were lots of cool arts from local artists. In the next room they made dresses out of trash. All of them were really cool. I liked one of the dresses that was made out of feathers. We got some cool ideas for our art.

After that we walked to McDonalds to get an ice-cream because Mrs Raman said that we were being really good and deserved a treat. Lastly we walked all the way back to school. Some children listened to their PlayAways while others wrote their recount on Gmail. Mrs. Raman gave everyone another cookie and a gel-pen for our perfect behaviour on the class-trip. Going to Sir Edmund Hillary and to the Art Gallery was really fun. I really enjoyed that trip and I hope we do that again.

By Ariana