Shar's recount emailed to Mrs. Raman

Hey Shar,
Thank you for emailing me your recount. You have written an interesting and well-sequenced recount about our class-trip. I like your use of time-connectives. Try to work on your punctuation, like capitals and also use a dictionary to correct spelling. Hope you will take the time to proofread and edit your writing next time. Nevermind all the mistakes, I will edit it this time and publish this recount to our blog. Well done Shar :-)

 

Class-trip to the Library and Art Gallery

Last Friday our class, Room 8, went on a trip to the Sir Edmund Hillary Library and the Papakura Art Gallery. Firstly we had to pin on our name-tags just in case we got lost. Secondly we had to walk all the way to town and to the library. On the way there Ariana and I were taking photos while chatting with Mrs Raman. At first it was freezing cold and we were all shivering. However as the sun rose everyone began to get hot. When we got to the library it was very quiet. The librarian, Sarah, showed us all the cool books, PlayAways and DVDs. We were all excited when we got our very own library cards. It is so cool having one. After we left the library we had our lunch. After lunch we walked to the Art Gallery and Emma, the manager, showed us the amazing exhibition. There was even a dress made out of the leather heels of shoes. At the end I had to say a Thank You to Emma. Finally Mrs Raman said we were so good that she had to buy us an ice-cream.

After McDonalds, we walked all the way back to school and we really enjoyed our class trip. I hope we go there again.

By Shar